Stop Being Authentic

The phrase “just be yourself” is absolutely bloody useless.

When people say it they mean well.

It’s got great intention but often the impact is less useful.

Most people have never spent the time doing the work to understand who they are, so being yourself is something they can’t access.

And if you skirt around the edges of Buddhism, then Buddhists believe in non-duality, which means there’s no self anyway.

So good luck being yourself when the self doesn’t exist…

But that is far too existential for a Monday afternoon.

When I started speaking and sharing my stories and experiences, I had to navigate that whole world of being “authentic”.

Because it’s an absolute minefield.

I suspect that 100% authenticity doesn’t exist.

It’s a place which is inhabited by unicorns and honest politicians.

And if I was truly being as authentic as I possibly could be, most of the time you would find me sat in a dressing gown, eating chocolate and watching Netflix.

When it comes to speaking, presenting, or even just showing up in our business, we have to bring a level of authenticity to what we do so that we can connect with people and have trust.

We also have to be careful about how much we share.

When I first started doing personal development I read a shit tonne of books, including the work of Brené Brown.

I did think that her book Rising Strong was about bread making and I was a little bit disappointed.

One of the things she talks about in her work is vulnerability and, in particular, the importance of making sure that people have earned the right to hear your vulnerability.

Because you really wouldn’t share the deep, dark stuff in your life with randoms would you?

Unless you are a speaker.

Or on Facebook.

When it comes to speaking and presenting, you are often sharing things with an audience who don’t yet know you.

Strangers who have no idea what you might say, but who you are trying to connect with.

How do you do this in a way that protects you and keeps your audience safe?

By choosing what you want to share and how.

I call this intentional authenticity.

And when you start to speak from this place, you get to decide how much you share.

Because over-sharing is like therapy and under-sharing can put up a wall with your audience.

As part of my keynote work I talk about a number of things that are particularly personal - happiness (or lack of), trauma and a load of other personal stories.

Each of those things has taken me time to look at, work through and then decide how I can share this with an audience.

I wish I could tell you the exact balance, but I would be telling you the shittiest of bulls. I have got it wrong too many times.

That experience helps you to find the line. It helps you to decide how much you open up Pandora’s box and to make sure you can put the lid back on at the end of your speech.

If you’re just starting out and not sure how much to share, then I would always go with less and then build over time.

I’ve seen too many speakers get caught out by those unexpected emotion moments when something happens in the space and they realise that they still have some work to do.

Being intentionally authentic is one of the best ways of sharing who you are and what you know with the people who can really benefit from your view of the world.

Take some time to work out how intentional you want to be.

If you need some help with that, then give me a shout.